We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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