woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
