I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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