I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
