She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
