a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
