It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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