Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
