You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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