If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
