I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
