My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
