I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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