did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
