he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
