I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
