Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
