Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
