Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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