I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
