Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
