just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
