How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.