If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.