i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.