maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yea but for you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"