Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.