I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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