Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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