Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
