For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
did i just pee glitter
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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