You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
