Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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