Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
