I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
