I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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