Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
