I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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