I didn't shave. On purpose
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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