wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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