I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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