i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
