I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
