Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
