Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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