Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
