i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
