The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
