So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
