cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
