Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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