i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
