your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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