I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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