I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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