I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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