Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
