I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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