I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
should my penis look like a turkey
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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