He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
