I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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