The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
