Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
