apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
