Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
