U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
