I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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