Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
