That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
