if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
