He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
