The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
