Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
