Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
